At some point in the teens (not my teens, but the 20-teens) I was walking over the 9th Street bridge that spans the Gowanus Canal in Brooklyn near Smith Street. A friend at my side was smoking a cigarette (I know, I know) and she turned and said, “What do you think would happen if I flicked this butt into the canal?”

Those of you who’ve traversed this trail likely just gasped, audibly, because you know.

On the particular day when said friend contemplated lighting up south Brooklyn, our beloved Gowanus was a purplish green sheen reminiscent of an oil spill. And, according to ChatGPT, one of the causes of this sheen is indeed oil and grease runoff from local industrial sites. Fortunately for the folks of Carroll Gardens my friend was merely curious, and not prone to arson.

Gowanus Canal from Red Hook. Smith Street F/G Subway Station. 9th Street Bridge below the elevated subway - the scene of the almost crime.

Not long after, I saw two canoes on that green murky canal and thought to myself, “Those real estate folks really oughta give these newcomers a heads up that we’re not in Oregon,” and hoped they had a good health insurance plan. Also, where the hell did these people store those canoes?? It’s Brooklyn, we don’t have enough space for a proper bar cart and these people have canoes?? I have since come to learn that canoeing the Gowanus is a thing. A thing I would never do, but if you’d like to (for $35) then click here but I’d still recommend a proper health plan.

Lavendar Lake, as the Gowanus is often called due to its purplish haze, wasn’t always a spark away from looking like ignited napalm. In fact, it once housed a thriving and abundant oyster population (as did the entirety of New York City’s waterways) that fed folks for generations dating back to the Lenape Native Americans. In the late 1800’s into the early 1900’s the industrialization of the area caused rapid and massive pollution, destroying these native oyster beds. Efforts are underway to restore the waters of NYC and bring back its marine life, including those oysters which is music to many of our ears (although, I admit, if I ever saw a sign for fresh Gowanus oysters you best believe I’ll keep on walking) .

Locals often joke about the mafia dumping bodies in the Gowanus and while I’d never tell you even if I saw anything (I am no rat), a few interesting things were found when the EPA designated it a Superfund site in 2010 and began cleanup, but no bodies were reported at that time. The bottom of the canal is a thick, black sludgy sediment referred to as Black Mayonnaise and provided perfect cover for criminal activity. And so, while bodies have been found in the past, the Black Mayonnaise degrades remains in a way that makes it difficult to lift evidence making it a perfect dumping ground.

Currently, developers have turned the Gowanus into prime waterfront property which is astonishing considering just how bad the area smelled for decades upon decades. But, these days, our famed canal no longer wafts stink into the air and is even a pleasant spot to walk the dog or take a stroll with your latest right swipe. And hey, just remember, if that date doest’t go well, the Black Mayonnaise still exists.